When I was a little girl, my mom took my siblings and me to church every Sunday and Wednesday. One of my earliest memories comes from when I was four, at Vacation Bible School. It was at the altar that I decided to follow Jesus.
When I was seven, I took seriously the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I prayed about it, and considered some jobs I would like: a veterinarian or a teacher. Yet every time I prayed about one of these jobs, I felt an unexplainable tugging toward another occupation: missionary.
As a kid, I didn’t realize that women could be pastors. The pastor was the man at my church who spoke in the front on Sunday mornings. Although we had a female worship pastor, I knew I didn’t want to lead music.
Yet I read so many stories of women who became missionaries, and that word seemed right for me. As I finished elementary school and entered my middle school years, I often said that I wanted to be a missionary to the United States.
The church I grew up in was very affirming of my call to ministry. I was given responsibilities like helping the ushers or teaching elementary students during Vacation Bible School. I threw myself into the study of Scripture, and wrote my first “sermon” when I was about twelve. My best friend heard my rambling thoughts on Psalm 1 in the half hour between Sunday service and our Sunday school class time.
My High School Years
In high school, I struggled with my call to ministry. I knew the label of “missionary” didn’t fit what God wanted me to do, but I had never met a female pastor. Even with pastoral ministry in mind, I wasn’t sure exactly what ministry would look like in the future.
At the beginning of high school, my family stopped attending church. My dad’s alcoholism developed into a full blown meth addiction. His drug-induced delusions had religious overtones, which made church difficult in many ways.
Despite my chaotic home life, an abusive relationship in high school, and chronic health problems, I knew I wanted to pursue ordination in my denomination. The Church of the Nazarene is a Wesleyan-holiness denomination, fairly similar to the United Methodist Church.
I set my eyes on Mount Vernon Nazarene University, where I was accepted as a Theological Studies student.
College & Defining My Calling
When I arrived at school, I was still unsure what ministry would hold for me. I was attending class and taking the required courses to work toward ordination. In the Church of the Nazarene, ordination candidates are required to serve in ministry and complete a list of courses before they can be ordained.
Compared to requirements in some denominations, the Church of the Nazarene has one of the more vigorous ordination processes. Even as a freshman in college, I knew it would be many years before I was officially ordained as a pastor.
My sophomore year, the pastor at the church near my school shared about a time in his life that he skipped lunch in order to pray and fast. During this time, he received clarity about his life’s direction.
For a week, I did the same. It was during this time that I felt a deep calling to hospice chaplaincy. In the months that followed my time of fasting, I had the opportunity to shadow some hospice chaplains. I felt a deep sense of purpose and belonging as I worked with patients on hospice care. Without a doubt, I knew this was what I needed to do.
Chaplaincy Requirements
The requirements to become a board certified chaplain are even more rigorous than the requirements to become ordained in my denomination. Chaplaincy candidates need to complete a Master of Divinity or equivalent degree, complete Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE), and seek ordination in their denomination.
The Master of Divinity is not a small program. With nearly eighty credit hours, it is longer than many doctorate programs! On top of that degree, I would need to complete approximately two years of CPE to be certified for medical chaplaincy.
Nazarene Theological Seminary
In 2016, I was accepted to Nazarene Theological Seminary. Around this time, I received a call informing me that my dad was in congestive heart failure and likely only had months to live. Despite our estrangement, this was shocking news.
Not knowing what the months ahead would hold for me, I decided to delay entering seminary for a year. By this point, I was married and living nearly three thousand miles away from where I grew up. I didn’t know when I would need to rush back home to be with my family, and didn’t think I was in the right position to begin another degree.
A year later, my dad was somehow still alive. However, I felt like I couldn’t delay any longer. I began my first semester of seminary, a dream I’d had since childhood.
My Master of Divinity program would be a four-year journey. The classes were challenging and formational, making me into the pastor I am today. Against all odds, my dad has long surpassed doctor’s expectations and remains alive in 2021.
Atypical Migraines & Endometriosis
No story about my journey to become a pastor would be complete without mentioning the illnesses I faced along the way. In 2013, I was diagnosed with an atypical migraine condition after experiencing a migraine with stroke-like symptoms. After three days in the hospital, I was referred to a neurologist and began migraine medication.
I’d had migraines from the time I was fourteen, so it was no surprise to have these atypical migraines. At my age, my older cousins had similar migraines. Both of them had temporarily lost eyesight during these attacks, so I was a little more prepared when my condition began.
After years of having seven to fifteen migraine days a month, I had managed to get down to four to eight pain days each month. Still, my chronic migraines often left me behind in school and unable to commit to ministry activities.
In 2019, my migraine condition finally seemed to be getting better. I was on a good combination of medication that was allowing me to do more.
At that time, I was serving as an associate pastor at a larger church in town. I mostly served with the children and youth, although I began preaching at a smaller campus on occasion.
While serving at that church, I began to have crippling pain in my abdomen. After many emergency room visits, doctors tentatively diagnosed me with endometriosis. Once a surgery confirmed the diagnosis, I began my two-year search for relief.
In early 2021, I had surgery at the Cleveland Clinic to remove endometriosis from my abdomen. Endometriosis was found around my abdominal wall, on my ovaries, and on my appendix. Although I am still in the early stages of recovery, the surgery seems to have resolved my chronic pain issues.
Pastoral Transition
With all of my health problems consuming my personal life, things at my church also began to decline. When the smaller campus where I was preaching closed, I felt displaced. Although I still had a position within the church, I knew that preaching was a part of my calling and struggled with the idea that I may not preach again for the foreseeable future.
It was at that time that I was asked to preach for one month at a nearby church while the congregation searched for a pastor. On the first Sunday at Warsaw Church of the Nazarene, I shared a message on 1 Thessalonians.
When I stepped down from the platform, no one moved. “We just want to hear more!” one of the ladies said. So I sat and talked to the small congregation for an additional half hour. They asked me questions about my call to ministry and learned about the medical problems I was facing.
That week, the District Superintendent (the Nazarene version of a Bishop) received calls from several members of Warsaw church. They asked him if I could stay as their pastor. After discussing it with me, I was installed as their pastor at the end of June 2019.
Finding My Rhythm in Ministry
Now that I was preaching every Sunday, I had to figure out a good rhythm for researching and preparing sermons. Because I was still in seminary, I was able to draw from my classes to prepare sermons.
Although my goal is still to one day become a hospice chaplain, I am still years away from that goal. I am one year from the experience requirements to be ordained by my denomination. My current licensing makes provisions for me to be a lead pastor, although I am still not officially ordained. Under the supervision of the District Superintendent, I am able to carry out all the responsibilities of a pastor.
Even after ordination, I still have to finish all of my Clinical Pastoral Education. I am currently applying to programs, with the hope to enter a CPE program this fall.
Because many chaplaincy positions are part time, I’ve often thought about leading a small church like Warsaw Church of the Nazarene while performing my chaplaincy duties. Additionally, I have written some Bible study curriculum for the Church of the Nazarene. That curriculum for middle school students was published this past year. I consider writing just one more area of calling in my life, and I enjoy it tremendously.
My Advice to Future Pastors
Ministry is one of the hardest and most rewarding things I have ever done. There have been nights where I’ve cried endlessly because of painful events or hard decisions. Yet there are many days where I’ve smiled all night because of the joy I get from teaching people from the Bible.
There are six pieces of advice I’d like to give to future pastors:
1. Find out what your denomination requires as soon as possible.
I wish I had known all of the ordination requirements earlier in my schooling. While many of my classmates have been ordained for years, I am still a year away from my own ordination. Although the church offers provisions that allow me to work as a pastor without ordination, ordination is a sacred initiation that grants me all of the responsibilities of a pastor in my denomination.
Some denominations have very few requirements. Others have more extensive training than what’s required by my own denomination. For women especially, it’s important to find out what the journey will look like. Although many denominations ordain women, there are still many that do not. Find out what your denomination requires so that you’re more prepared to meet those requirements.
2. Never stop studying the Bible.
I wish I had discovered Bible commentaries sooner. They have truly been a game changer these past ten years, as I have learned to use these resources to understand difficult portions of Scripture.
Some of my favorite resources are BibleHub.com (a free online resource with a collection of older commentaries), the Interpretation commentary series, the NIV Application Commentary series, and the New Beacon Bible Commentary series (which has just been completed).
3. Find both local and non-local ministry friends.
Ministry can be isolating at times, and the people who understand this best are other pastors. I’ve benefited so much from having both local and non-local ministry friends.
My local mentor has helped me come up with ideas for my congregation. By providing support to me locally, she’s been able to answer questions I’ve had as I get used to leading a church on my own.
Non-local ministry friends, though, are incredibly valuable. Because they are not involved in nearby churches, there is room for more openness and accountability, without fear or repercussion. My dearest friend, who pastors a church on the other side of the country, has talked me through my darkest days in ministry. I would not be where I am without her friendship.
4. Tend to your physical and mental health.
Since the bulk of ministry involves caring for the needs of others, it is absolutely essential that you take care of your physical and mental health needs. Ministry is incredibly rewarding, but also extremely draining.
I often see a counselor to process both my childhood trauma and the difficulties of day-to-day ministry. Regular appointments with my family doctor, chiropractor, and psychiatrist all ensure I am tending to things before they spiral out of control.
One of the most important things I do to tend to my own mental health is to make space to recharge on Sunday afternoons. Preaching is very draining, so I often spend the bulk of the afternoon sleeping. In the evening, I spend time doing something I love (often watching a movie with my husband and crocheting).
5. Prioritize family relationships.
It’s easy to get wrapped up in the demands of ministry. Ministry can take its toll on a pastor’s family, so it’s essential that you take time to invest in your family relationships.
My husband and I make sure to get out for a date night every week. Although some weeks involve crazy schedules, we never allow ourselves to go more than ten days without some time away together.
For pastors with kids, it’s important to shield them from as much ugliness as possible. Churches are not always kind to their pastors’ kids, and it’s important that as the pastor and parent you set appropriate boundaries.
6. Always remember your calling.
There will be days that are more painful that you can imagine. Without a strong sense that you’re called by God for this work, it will be far too easy to walk away.
Shortly before I started at my current assignment, I found out that three of my close friends in ministry were resigning from my church. I remember sitting outside on my front steps and sobbing well into the morning hours. Goodbyes have never been easy for me, and the number of goodbyes I had to process overwhelmed me.
Without my sense of calling, I would not have gone back after that night. Yet because of my deep belief that God has called me and will equip me, I was able to pull myself out from that darkest depression. If God has called you, God will help you do it. Always.
Conclusion
My journey to become a pastor has never been straightforward. For every two steps forward in my journey, a new setback has taken me one step back. No matter where the next part of my journey leads me, I trust that God is in control. I trust that God works all things for the good of those who love God (Romans 8:28). My journey to becoming a pastor has only begun.