Suppose you lived in the biggest and best house in your neighborhood. And because you live in the biggest and best house in your neighborhood you want to protect it, your belongings and your family. So, you install the best home security system you can buy. This security system is so state of the art that it not only prevents burglars from breaking into your home and stealing your stuff, it has a drone that will help track and detain any would-be thief until the police arrive to arrest him. (Please check the manufacturer’s warning label as this feature is not available in Seattle, Portland or Minneapolis, or any other city that has de-funded the police.)
Further, suppose that your neighbors from a couple of streets away really like your home security system and they all want one for their own homes. At your neighborhood block watch meeting they all propose also getting their own security systems, but they’d really like you to chip in as, you know, the one you have is really expensive and, well, it’s hard to afford that with their kids in private school and then there’s that new Ford Bronco in the garage, not to mention alimony for the first wife. Suffice to say, things are a bit tight right now.
Naturally, because you want to be a good neighbor and keep the neighborhood free of crime, you agree to subsidize in a small way the home security systems of your neighbors. Then when you get the bills you realize you are paying for almost all of it. You try to explain that while you want to be a good neighbor, your first priority is to you and your family. Yet, when you point that out to your neighbors, they become indignant and accuse you of letting the neighborhood run down and burglars run rampant.
Okay, but what does any of this have to do with Donald Trump and Joe Biden? After Joe Biden’s performance at the recent G-7 conference it should be evident. Trump promoted an America First agenda – we will do what is in America’s interest first and we’ll pay for our own security. We will even help pay for your security, but you’ve got to chip in a bit more, like what you actually agreed to contribute. Biden not only doesn’t promote America first, he wonders, “What’s America?” After all, he has said that he sometimes forgets he is president. It’s not the only thing he forgets, but we’ll hold off discussing his waning cognitive abilities for another day.
Whereas Trump demanded NATO countries pay more for their own security, Biden acts like the weird kid from your fourth grade class who had to pay kids to be his friends.
The G-7 leaders complained that Trump wasn’t nice enough to them, but Biden is a real sweetheart, easy to get along with, even when he’s not napping. Whereas Trump appreciated America’s special relationship with Great Britain and even France, Biden really appreciates the French for their onion soup.
We know Joe Biden is no Donald Trump because many G-7 leaders said they appreciated Biden’s conciliatory stance on many issues, unlike Trump who wanted to hold them to standards. They don’t like standards. If Biden’s political career says anything about him it’s that he has no standards.
Even though China apparently owns most of Hollywood and LeBron James, Biden tried at least to cajole the other G-7 leaders into taking a tougher stance and to be sort of mean to China. Of course, he didn’t mean Trump-like mean. Instead, when referencing the Chinese leadership Biden plans to indiscriminately wave his arms in the air and yell, “C’mon, man!”
As vice-president, Biden once traveled to China and said he fully understands and doesn’t second-guess China’s then one-child policy. While many were outraged at this statement, given China’s history of human rights abuses, it should be noted that Joe Biden’s second son is…Hunter.
Astute readers may recall that early on during the COVID-19 pandemic Donald Trump suggested that the virus may have originated from China’s Wuhan lab. Biden, Democrats and the media (but I repeat myself) said such a declaration by Trump was xenophobic. For the remainder of Trump’s presidency, the Wuhan lab-leak theory was considered by the media as “the theory who’s name we dare not speak.” Now that Biden has been resting comfortably in the White House for a few months the lab-leak theory is suddenly a lot more plausible. It’s so plausible now that the New York Times has taken to rewriting headlines from over a year ago debunking its own debunking of the theory.
We know Joe Biden is no Donald Trump because on tax and trade policy Biden appears willing to give away the farm to the rest of the world. (Except the chickens, he says, we may need some eggs.) He seems to like and wants to emulate much of Europe’s tax policies. He has always liked things that don’t work. (Insert your own Hunter Biden joke here.)
When it comes to foreign policy Biden has made a history of being wrong almost every time. If he were a basketball coach he’d be Red Klotz. Klotz was the long-time coach (and previous long-time player-coach) of the Washington Generals, who regularly played and lost to the Harlem Globetrotters. And by regularly, we mean all the time. Dating back to the 1950’s Klotz’s Generals lost to the Globetrotters over 13,000 times. Biden has a similar record on foreign policy.
Joe Biden is certainly no Donald Trump. We know it because members of the media smile and tell us so. We know it when we fill up at the gas station. We know it when we try to find a waiter to refill the water glass at a restaurant because, well, there are no waiters – they’re all at home watching Celebrity Family Feud and getting paid by the government. The show must be a big hit among the news media too because on the rare occasion that Biden answers a question all the media members in the room applaud and yell, “Good answer! Good answer!”
Joe Biden is no Donald Trump. He is his own man…until he hears from Merkle or Putin or even, God forbid, Trudeau, that he’s not.